my mum lost 2 of her dearest sisters one on the 28th february and the other 2nd march this year.

my mother lives in italy and i live in england. i was always back and forth to see mum, but i had intentions to go back to live with mum as soon as my son finished his secondry school education-which would have been next year.
I begged mum to come over and stay with me for five weeks in july. She said she couldnt make it on her own this time- Which upset me. Then an idea came which we would agree that id come and collect her from italy. Mum didnt look good she kept holding the walls when she walked round the house. She said that she went to the doctors and it was only bronchitiss. I dont know, i didnt know if it was that she just lost 2 of her sisters. Any way i wasnt convinced so i took her to my doctor. She was admitted straight to the hospital where On the 28th JULY she was diagnosed with advanced lung and brain cancer. Death was knocking at my door and i refused to answer it. I wanted it to be me that had the cancer i just wanted all her pain.
My heart was broken. Watching the deteriation, having the treatment and the pain of combing her lovely hair only to have it coming out in uncontrolable clumps and me hiding it so she wouldnt get upset. I nursed mum in the hospital night and day till the end. 6 weeks later On the 1st sept last night of her life was horrible, i watched mum suffocate and i couldnt do any thing. Her eyes were frightening im sure she they were saying help me but i couldnt I will never forget her face. She wanted to live so much she fought till the end. Never have i known anyone to make plans about the future as mum did. She said she wanted to paint her bedroom a rose colour and dylans room green ready for when he comes home- she fought for us.

It was along time before i knew what to do next, mum was lying in the mortuary. i wanted a message from her i wanted to feel her and to tell me what to do. I even went back to her home in italy for 10 days just for an answer. why couldnt mum help me. why didnt i feel her.
I had to make a decision where mum was going to be buried. This afternoon she was embalmed ready to make her journy back to italy in the cemetry where her other sisters and deceased parents are. I hope ive done the right thing i couldnt bare her being in a cemetry by herself and mum was always dedicated and made sure other members of her family that passed away had flowers and candles lit, she went religously to the cemetry.
I love my mum so much i hope i will be buried with her one day. But i will go to see her. This has cost me alot to do, sending her back i could have just taken the money and spent it my self but i didnt. I wanted to please her.

Do you think, though im here in england, she will see a candle light if i light it for her.